The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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