if only i could text you this smell
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
