Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
