even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
