woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
