Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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