I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
