i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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