my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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