He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
