so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
