Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
