I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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