u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize