A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
