I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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