I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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