I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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