The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
