He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You ruined the universe
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
