It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
