oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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