I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
