Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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