HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
