I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
