The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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