we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
