Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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