What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
