well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My balls are so social today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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