Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
