Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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