is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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