I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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