Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
