my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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