he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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