Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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