The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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