Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
