Cold hands, warm shart.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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