Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
