I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
