Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
