DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
