haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
