Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You made out with two different species that night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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