She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
