Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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