im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
