ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
