I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
