I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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