She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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