Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
