yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
