her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
