I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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