You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
