i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They have beer where we have blood.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
