Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
