mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The air was thick with penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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