So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize