tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
