3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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